by Richard Bromfield
‘Embracing Aspergers’ by Richard Bromfield is written for parents and teachers of children with Aspergers.
Bromfield is a faculty member of Harvard medical school and has over 30 years experience.
There are 18 short chapters, many of which can be viewed in isolation.
The book starts with a very clear and strong message, Bromfield is a great advocate for the child and bases his beliefs on his own observations and experiences as much as he does from his professional training. He clearly understands that each child is different and has misgivings about the myriad of therapies designed to 'change' the child. Although most therapies and therapists genuinely want to help the child and their family, he warns that the child may be left feeling that his/her neurological differences are over-ridden and that he/she is forced to fit into what others deem important. Bromfield calls on us all to reflect and rethink a new kind of approach and I, for one, fully support him. All too often I see parents and therapists run rough shod over a child’s essential differences and in Bromfield’s opinion, this can compromise the child’s self-esteem, happiness and sense of self. As an adult, if someone else imposed their beliefs on me, denying the essence of who I am and tried to forcibly change me, I am sure I would feel stressed, angry, depressed and inadequate. What I like about Bromfield’s style is his friendly tone with no hint of the all too frequent patronizing attitudes that many ‘experts’ unintentionally express. He correctly asserts that most parents want honesty and not false reassurances, which may comfort in the moment but lead to far greater distress later on. He also acknowledges that the reader is more than likely well informed and is all too frequently irritated by most books repeatedly stating the obvious. The aim of the book is simple - to aid carers in a true understanding of each child so that their psychological needs can be fully met. From the outset, he is singing from the same hymn sheet as myself and many of the parents we encounter at asteens. He offers suggestions and strategies to help the struggling parent/teacher but it is hoped that a greater understanding of the child will frequently lead to individual solutions.
Broomfield implores us to consider what all aspects of life must be like for each child. He asks us to imagine what it would feel like to experience sensory input magnified by 10 or 100 times with no means of escape. Imagine being totally alone, misunderstood and rejected despite your best efforts and having no one to share your trials and tribulations with. He lists a myriad of areas where children on the spectrum are particularly vulnerable and forces the reader to consider what it must be like for a particular child, to try and become that child. It is easier to understand a neurotypical child because their experiences more closely match our own; they may be more able to articulate their perspective verbally rather than acting out through behaviour.
In Chapter three he sensitively covers 'The Parent's View' and immediately got me on board by acknowledging that only a minority of parents have an easy and straightforward experience of getting a diagnosis and appropriate help for their children. Broomfield accepts that parents know their child best and that it can be hard to decide which course of treatment, action and education is best for which child and that ultimately observing, listening and trial and error are our best guides. He gives a series of bullet points to guide parents through getting to know their child and how to start afresh when things have become toxic. He offers encouragement, realism and confidence.
Chapter Four is about 'The Teacher's View' and Broomfield demonstrates great respect for many teachers who know our children well and try very hard, often against the odds with 30 other children to contend with. He offers encouraging and informed bullet points, guiding the teachers through a range of possible ideas to try.
Chapter Five looks at finding and creating a safe environment and this includes an environment that is comfortable for their senses, socially and is also physically safe where the child can be him/herself and feel totally at ease and relaxed. Once again suggestions/tips are given in the form of bullet points.
The remaining chapters continue in the same format and offer insight into a range of difficulties our children may have and give intelligent, kind, creative and straightforward ideas on areas such as dealing with sensory overload, anxiety, aiding communication, giftedness (not covered often enough in my opinion) and intellect right through to friendship and girls.
This book is ideal for all parents and educators but would be particularly useful for the parent who has read widely, attended every course, become bankrupt from trying many 'experts' and feels stuck and worn down. It reminds one to just know, accept and love your child and above all to 'understand' – the book simplifies things when we get caught up in the system and other people's objectives. I found it a gentle, sweet and kind book.
If, after reading this review you decide to read this book I'd love to know what you think! Please leave your comments below...
Anna van der Post
October 2011
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